Monday, 19 April 2010

The dissertation fear

Hello blog, it's been a while since my last entry, these are my concerns

Well, my dissertation is due next week! yes, next week! Can you bloody believe it?! The problem at this point is that I can see the end, I can see the light, therefore I want nothing to do with the dissertation anymore, but would instead love to sit at home watching trash tv, eating bad food and searching the internet for various items of clothing. Alas, I am unable to do x,y and z because I need NEED to go to the library to finish my dissertation. I'm pretending like I have nothing else to do, and that couldn't be further from the truth. I'm meeting with my beloved tutor tomorrow and I hope he tells me I'm brilliant and none of my work needs any fixing because it is perfect the way it is. (this is a hope, and I know it will NOT be a reality)

Now, what is annoying me, my dear blog is Ross. I know that sounds horrible,and I only mean it right now because he is absolutely perfect in every way, except when I have something big to do. Then I despise him, because he's always right, and gives great advice, but when I'm stressed out and I want to veg out, I want him to say "oh love, you deserve a day off, why don't you sit on the couch watching 'antiques road show' and 'come dine with me' with a giant tub of ice cream, you deserve it" but instead he's completely level headed and say things like "what time are you getting to the library" in which I reply, "I don't know, I just feel like sitting around doing nothing" and he says "well you know that's not an option right", well OF COURSE ITS' NOT AN OPTION, my freakin' dissertation is due in a week, I know it's not an option, but play my game Ross. Tell me I'm a wonderful wife (to be) and that I deserve to rest because I"m so fucking brilliant 365 days of the year that my brain needs time to recuperate.

I hate writing bloody conclusions, especially huge ONES that will make or break a HUGE paper. the biggest paper I've ever written in my small stupid miniscule life.

I want to cry. I'm not feeling sorry for myself (ok maybe I am) but shit, I just want to do nothing. I've worked hard, not as hard as I could, because if I had I'd be done with the stupid paper by now, but I've worked consistently for days, and I've been working on it inconsistently for MONTHS!

off with her head!

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