Monday, 15 March 2010

Sensitive Soul.

As I got ready to write this blog I nearly fell off my chair, making this the second time today that I've toppled over, deary me!

With this said, the above statement has nothing to do with what I signed on to post about, although since deciding to blog I have had a series of things happen, like forgetting my password even though I just logged in the other day, another sign that I'm becoming forgetful? Yes.

Well, as the title states, I am a sensitive soul, not something very many people know about me, but alas it's true. I am very sensitive and even the most unemotional sentiments can send me into a frenzy of tears and snotters. I've always been sensitive and it's something that although it bothers me sometimes, I like about myself. It makes me feel real, it makes me feel something; compassion, empathy, sadness, happiness. Sensitivity in my mind is not just the ability to react to sad moments, but the feeling of overwhelming joy with kind gestures.

Before I begin ranting too much I guess I'll just get into what has bothered me today, it was a completely mediocre day, perhaps below average but nothing to be upset about, every day is a good day in my eyes, unless it's a bad day (that makes sense to me). Now, while I'm getting ready to say this I'm feeling silly, but maybe this is just what I needed to do, blog, in order to relieve the feeling.

Here goes.

I was sitting on my ass, watching really bad television and enjoying myself. I went onto Facebook on my phone and read all the updates and corrected someone's spelling, now I know it's an aggravating thing do, and perhaps in a sense condescending, but in the true meaning of condescending I was in no way turning my nose up at her lack of spelling but reacting almost instinctively to a mistake; with this said, I'm not against mistakes and I make them often but I feel as though when asking for someone to partake in a focus group you should use proper spelling. (I know that was a ridiculously long run on sentence)
I didn't say "you spelled that wrong you idiot, spell it this way" but simply wrote the correct spelling, which she could have in turn deleted and fixed her mistake! Instead I was confronted with 'I hate you Raquel" and then another comment un-inviting me to this said focus group, and shunning me because of my nationality.

I know this all sounds stupid and childish and perhaps it's my fault for assuming that she wouldn't take it the wrong way, or maybe I just like winding her up, either way I'm sick of being accosted for being smart. (to clarify I am not saying I'm smart, but I'm subjected to comments about me being a goody too shoes, and for trying too hard)

I'm not a quitter, although I use to be, and I try really fucking hard at University, and that's with me not even putting in 100% as of late because I've become increasingly lazy (see I'm not perfect!!)
I just feel as though everyone has this notion that I'm stuck up and horrible and if they got to know me they would know that it's my defense because I'm sensitive. I've let my guard down and perhaps this person was only joking when she said she hated me, but I don't find it very funny. It's days like this when I wish I had my mommy here to hug me, or my sister to make me laugh. I am terribly lonely sometimes and words of hatred only make me sadder.

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